Epitaph Classifieds


The round‐Up!

Our recent addition of the page 13 classified section was a smashing success. With Editor John Clum’s gracious permission we have expanded the classifieds to include various snippets of weird news from across the Weird West. We baptize this new feature The Round­Up! and ask all readers with good intentions to look into these announcements and see what help they might provide to folks in need.



IRON­WILLED and stalwart hun­ ters needed to track down and kill the source of peculiar noises. See Bill James at the DP ghost rock depository.

MISSING. Andrew Balesworth, husband and father of three. Provide information or where­ abouts to Cicily Balesworth, Cauldron Town.


GHOST­BUSTERS needed to drive out persistent haunts. See the Night Manager at the Brown Palace Hotel.

PRIME LOTS. Land parcels available at attractive rates. “An ice­cold ghost.” Inquire at the Nevada Land Basin Office.

ENFORCERS needed. See Jenny Crosby at the Black River depot. Best pay available, plus free ammunition.

REFURBISHED personal Gatling sidearms and longarms for sale, cheap. Nolan Hitch on Arapaho Ave.

TIRED of TOILING for lesser railroads? Do you crave fair pay, good grub, and a place to rest your head? Interested parties look no further than Dirk Greer at the Wasatch Rail Depot.

Dakota Territory


INVESTIGATORS sought by Town Council to track down way­ ward mail. Please inquire with Mayor Freidorf at Town Hall. Resume preferred.

HIRED GUNS. Seeking gunmen to safeguard rolling stock. Exper­ ience with natives preferred. Inquire at the Iron Dragon rail depot.

SHOTGUNNERS to guard stage­ coaches bound for the Sioux Nations. Inquire at Deadwood Stage Co.


DISAPPEARANCES! Unexplain­ ed events in Island Park demand answers. Inquire at the Mayor’s office.



WANTED! Freelancers to guard cattle herds. Good pay. Inquire at McCoy Ranch.

NOW HIRING bodyguards at Lebold Mansion. See Conrad Lebold.


DEPUTIES needed to enforce the Town Council’s will. Please provide resume and references to Marshal Barnaby.

Dodge City

WANTED! Stagecoach Robber, dead or alive. $500 reward. See Marshal Larry Deger to collect.

LOOKING for a GOOD TIME, cowboy? Visit the Wild Irish Roses on Bridge Street.

NOW HIRING able­bodied rail warriors. Inquire at the Union Blue train depot. Weapons provided.

Jayhawk Flats

REWARD! A reward of $200 is offered by the citizens of Jayhawk Flats for any information leading to the capture of known card sharp Jeremiah Bass.


WANTED! Bloody Bill Quantrill, dead or alive. Reward $600, plus $50 per accomplice.

New Varney Flats

IRON DOOR TREASURE. Local venture capitalist assembling expedition to recover Belle Starr’s lost Iron Door Treasure. Skilled woodsmen and trackers only. See Phil Dunlop, Kirby Hotel.


MIRROR WINDOW! See the miraculous portal created by brilliant students of the College of the Sisters of Bethany! Look upon the mysterious World of Spirits! Admission 10¢.


FREAK SHOW! See the Head of Evil and the Hand of Fate! Only 2¢ per viewing.

Oklahoma Territory


MISSING. One Derringer .41 with mother­of­pearl handle. If found please return to J. K. Jessup, Blue Lake Hotel.
Sioux nations


FREELANCERS NEEDED. Scien­ tific endeavor requires enforcers to look after its safety. Sioux difficulties expected. Provide your own guns and gear. See Hyram Burns, c/o Nuttal & Mann’s No. 10 Saloon.

DESPERATELY SEEKING BILL. Meet me behind the Big Horn Store, 3 a.m., any night. Martha.
h2. Amarillo

FREELANCERS, REGULATORS, and BODYGUARDS wanted for dangerous work. Must provide own guns. GOOD PAY, inclusive of three square meals and hazard stipend. Interested parties please inquire of Daniel Prester at the Tin Lamp Hotel.



WANTED! Posse to hunt down nocturnal cattle killers. Inquire with Ephraim Connoly at the Double­X Ranch.


NOW HIRING freelancers to escort settler caravans over the Rockies. $100 per trip. Indian trouble expected, other troubles a distinct possibility.

Epitaph Classifieds

The Last Sons twcrone MattCrandall